Russell Brand esque

Having now become a changed man, I look back on certain comparisons made of me with a lack of pride and more disdain and embarrassment.

It started at the age of about 20 (before this it was rarely impressive comparisons) I distinctly remember having a care n share sesh with my mum, who out of absolute nowhere turned round and said:

Mum: Abdulla, Don’t be such a Casanova

Me: ummm, uggghhh, ummm.. What??… like… what??… I mean… ummmm what do you mean?? who have you been talking to??

Mum: Sometimes a mother, just knows, and remember you have to treat women with respect.

Whilst I thought this was un-called for, since I was in no way shape or form a Casanova -esque quality player/person, this had and still has a serious impact on me. I am now totally respectful in what I say, and the way I act around women… if my mum is ever around, or could hear about my interactions with them.

Un-worthy!

Whilst I have super confident moments where I think I am the best thing since sliced bread. I also have moments where I feel truly humbled and wish I wasn't bestowed with the character traits or all my abilities that I have (including things like walking, talking, having a roof over my head, loving people in my life... the list could go on and on, and on). Now, this is very similiar to being bi-polar, but its not that i think I am a loser n get all depressive, its more that i dont feel worthy and wish I wasn't the way I am.

The Ghetto

I am trying to engineer a move to London, so i went to view a place in Oval, now i am quite naive about the type of places in London, and the type of areas, and living standards... Now before i get into this story let me just indicate I am either an anti-racist, or a complete... racist: I do not discriminate against any one, of any colour, I have black, yellow, asian, muslim, sikh, jewish, homophobic, and sexist jokes... everyone is fair game as far as i am concerned. In fact i can go so far as to say i do my bit to bring black and white together, or get in the way not too sure.. let me know...

Random Lols with Babe Station

Situation: My friend is meeting new producers at Radio 2 where he will be presenting shortly...

Me: Mate, can i be inappropiate and self amusing, or do you need me to tone it down..
Him: No probs fella, just be ur self
Me: (Inside voice - Awesome)



At this point I started having bare lols, playing truth or dare with one of the 50 year old woman, that was really fun.(Best moment of the night for me). Met a 'Cracker' (Robbie Coltrane??) lookalike, playing sleep, marry or murder with the rest of the group, guessing the womens ages by pulling their hair, judging random women with builders bums...(this part was mainly not me but was still lols) After 15 or so minutes...


Producer 3: Ure really cocky...
Me: Thanks..
Girl: Why dont you go chat up them Babe station girls??
Me: Whats Babe Station?? Where??
(Look over, and there was literally three girls surround by a full table of men, like 10 men at least..)
Girl:.. Its...... come on mr.confident, all you have is talk... more and more annoying crap kept coming out of her mouth, I think she called them words!!
Me: NFI about the words coming out of you mouth, but they look fun... im going...

Gail Porter is not hot (Drugs!)

A girl asked me: Do you want to be like Charlie Sheen??
Me: Yes and no,

A little bit yes

A lot - no

I think he genuinely is a bit imbalanced

but he iss sooooooo funny n lols to be around i bet

but hes not a good father

so yes n no

Her:

I think he is pathetic

everyone who takes drugs is pathetic period.

Working Out (P90X)

I have never and will never be a great working out kinda guy.. I like my reflection in the mirror too much, and then i start thinking how cute i am, which makes me remember something else that isn't true, like David Cameron and Co's justification of going into Libya, and the lifting heavy weights in repetitive motions finishes!

Now the longest I have managed going to the gym was for about a year, before 2009 i think, and it made me look decent, but then, nothing until i turned into a bit of an actual 'fatty' as opposed to a 'fattie' (term of endearment)... So a friend of mine referred me to P90X.

If you havent heard about it, u can see a video on it here: P90X info.

Immigration

There has been a lot of reports recently in the media about the things David Cameron has been saying in regards to immigration. Now there is the view that this is a form of institutionalised racism, others have the view that it is nothing of the sort and is merely economic/nationalistic interests.

This blog is not going to be about the merits of each argument, or even my opinion, but rather it is going to be an examination of the real cases in this immigration battle: Haaaave you met...

Gay vs Camp!

I am very comftorble in my self and accept and like the fact I am quite effiminate (in touch with my feelings,expressive) but i do sometimes get asked 'Are you Gay?' and the best response I have for this is one of Jimmy Carr's jokes:

" I'm gay to the extent i will notice if you have new shoes, but I draw the line at having your penis in me!"

Dating!

I always thought I don't date, i.e going to dinner, concerts etc.. at least not until I am in a relationship with someone. But I was speaking to a girl yesterday, and I think I have a problem:

Girl: "I'm dating 4 people"
Abs: "Oh, Cool"
Penis (nickname: Penetrator) to Abs: "Dude, WTF, dont be this girls friend, use the 5 C's on her!!
Abs to Penetrator: (Whilst stroking.."Calm down it's ok shhhh, shhhh....Mmmmh")

After my penis cried a little on me and got the craziness out of his system, (clearly my penis is a woman!) It later became apparent that everyone has different definitions for the term 'dating':

Female Logic/Misogyny

A really good friend of mine, a girl, in passing conversation said: “Yeah, but Abs you’re misogynistic”.

Whooo? Im Mysoginistic??, So (there is that word again!!) this is in response to her and everyone else who knows me, thinks the same and random people reading this who most definitely will think so... So like all good arguments… Oh yes, I plagiarised at uni and know how this part works… lets start by defining what misogyny actually is, and what people believe I maybe:

Misogyny ( /mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women. Misogyny comes from Greek misogunia (μισογυνία) from misos (μῖσος, hatred) and gynē (γυνή, woman). A person who hates women is called a misogynist.

(Wikipedia, 2011)

Number 1. I am most definitely not Greek.
Number 2 and slightly more importantly: I LOVE women a lot. Yep, there u have it. I, Abs L.O.V.E the woman!!

That generally is my problem and does get me into trouble. I really do like women, most of them. I find them

Haters and why I love them!

When i begin my blog entry initiation I always want to start with the word 'so'!

 Now I did a presentation at work recently, and there is a guy who is a very 'one better than you' type person. We all know someone like this, no matter what you say, he has a story or a comment to make him one better... For examples:

Me: I met Alicia Dixon...
Him: You should have asked her if she found my wallet, Im sure i dropped it at hers.

Tez bday n shopping!

Fri: It was Tez's bday and I really hate buying presents: mainly for three reasons that I can think of:.

1.Most people wont tell you what they want, they utilise the old adage : 'Its the thought that counts' : If this was true i'd buy you a 50 p ring... which lets be fair i have done..on a few occasions. 

2.The other reason is that people like surprises, and from peoples expressions I can tell you, the 50p ring really does fulfill this issue,

3.People don't like saying they want a gift. Bollox to that, if you are my friend, you know I am not one for ceremony, and i am asking what you want, because I want to get you a gift! So logically lets Win - Win (or Bipolar win) and tell me what you want which results in you getting a present you want, and means I feel good amd fulfill my friendship yearning and i buy you a present.

A few of my friends have caught onto this bi-polar winning idea and it works amazingly..Tez being one of these friends, he got a nice pair of trainers he really liked...

On my way to Tez's i went and visited another friend who I have lost touch with in the last year or two, which is sad but it was his bday a while ago but due to customs I got him a helmet... which didnt fit his head, and everyone says I'm big headed!

The Five C's

A friend/acquaintance asked me ’ how do i get better with girls’. I informed him that before i gave him any ideas/hints and tips he had to promise to not take advantage of girls and be honest and upfront with them, because when they cry thats not nice and no one needs that on their conscience! He agrred and so I asked do you want the looong complicated version or the short version… He requested the short version… I said part 1 is to read the book ’ The Game’ and then part 2: have fun, and dont care, and together that should be enough for anyone..

He came back to me a month later and went on and on about how it wasnt really working… I informed him i was worried he might say that so i have produced my own method the 5 C’s… He asked what the 5(It was originally 4 but for purposes of rounding up i made another one up for the blog) C’s were and i explained if he had the five C’s he could get any girl. He intently awaiting a response asked “What are these 5 C’s?”. Before i explain them to you here, can i just state this was me being self amusing and having lols. I was not being serious. I wish i told him this before he implemented the 5th C on numerous occasions.

So here are my 5 C’s:

Platonic Female Friends

So one of my close friends says i need to talk about girls more… so this one is dedicated to the ladies!

Job: So i got my contract - awesome-o!  but interesting note, if i make an invention that has nothing to do with my new company whilst i work their they can take the invention… one word… well two… muther-truckers!!

Now to hand in my notice… do it tomorrow… So thinking about moving on, one of my friends is leaving the company today… A girl (Holly M) i havent had any kind of sexual activity with, and who I still really really like and engage in bare innapropiateness with… and it got me thinking…i might just miss her… gay i know but then i had more gay thoughts… and it got me thinking.. Platonic Female friends…. so this is a tribute to all my platonic female friends.. all like 6 that ive ever had…

The Beginning

Man,

I just realised it took me a while to think of a title? am i doing that so it grabs people’s attention or for my own record, which also makes me thinks… Abs u dick dont care!! SO…. I have been planning of moving to the Londonia..Had a interview and they offered me the role after 1hr 30 mins…And i was pretty hyper, and charming i assume..

My fave question/comment was (after 40 minutes of me being quite hyper and stuff (read charming)):

Managing Director: So have any managers ever mentioned that you were hard to manage?

Abs: ummmm…. Yes they have … i dont accept second rate behaviour from others or myself so im always pushing to do things differently and better, and i can quite hyper and passionate about things so thats not easy for people who are lower energy especially if they are in a more senior position. Also at school i got that all the time

Managing Director: Humm (Not giving anything away)

But he clearly liked what he heard!