Snakes on a Plane!

Flying for me is a bitch, especially when I go America, which I am. I envision yesterday’s fun will be counteracted by the crap that is this journey, and I am not let down. I get to the airport in ample amount of time, and everything is going great, until I get a random sticker on my passport and boarding card. I later realise this means the American computer has chosen me for random tests. Funny it being random and me being a Muslim, but I am probably being paranoid except the last time I went America this also happened.

As I go to the Airline with my passport the lady behind the counter, a 40 year old ish Oriental woman started to freak me out. She started talking about Halal chicken, and animal cruelty, but this would have been fine, except she kept talking for at least 10 minutes after I totally looked disinterested and explained I was not an expert, but no I was told all about how her son had brought up these chickens, but her mum killed said chicken and her brother was gutted. In my head I was thinking, great story(Sarcasm), get on with my ticket. After another 2 random checks and pseudo investigational conversation I get onto the plane

I get to the airplane and take my seat. The flight however does not seem to be taking off, but I don’t care, I sit with my Iphone and enjoy the ear-gasms that is Lupe Fiasco. It turns out that the airplane has a problem with a door, and they need to try and fix it. I have enough expert knowledge ascertained from Hollywood to know that this was a conspiracy. In reality, there were snakes on this plane, but they were totally playing it safe, why else would we have to ALL get off the plane so they could fix a door? As we wait another few hours, I get some food, come back to get back on the plane, they pull me to a side again, to ‘randomly check me’.

I get to Chicago 3 hours late an hour to get my connecting flight, but finally rather than being told I need to be taken aside for a ‘random check’ I am told I have been chosen to be further processed. I sit in a room for 90 minutes, until I am finally pulled into an interview room. The 40 year old woman was really friendly though, she knew I was security cleared in England and had worked for the Ministry of Defence, and I knew I was fine when she said: “You are a handsome young man” and pointed to her chin, where my chin dimple would be. I asked “Are you flirting with me, young lady?” She went red, and quickly said: “No, not at all, I Just meant..” I cut her off and replied: “Oh, it’s like that is it, build me up, just to knock me down.” After a frank conversation about America and its international reputation, she allowed me to leave, but was honest enough to tell me the extra checks were not random, and I would get the extra checks all the time.

Initially up until this moment, these checks had annoyed me, but once she was honest,

blunt and open with me, I realised I did not mind. I accept and understand that I am of the profile of most Terrorists who want to commit ‘fly-bys’. I am a young, Pakistani-Asian Muslim. I genuinely believe, if as someone who is not a terrorist, gets the treatment I did, no actual terrorist is ever going to be able to get to infiltrate the system again, and cause havoc. This made the whole ordeal I went through worth it. I genuinely felt totally safe getting onto the plane, and I think that feeling is worth a little bit of inconvenience; this was really tested when I get back into Chicago airport. However I shall keep that story for later, or if at all, but suffice to say I felt sexually assaulted, but not in a good way. I was given a hotel stay in Chicago, and the fun that ensued is worth waiting for the next blog post, but I had finally arrived in America!