I planned to meet up with my friend Chris who stated that almost whenever we meet up something crazy/outrageous happens. I take my fair share of blame because I start meeting new people or just go with the flow, but I told Chris this time we would have a quiet evening; we would hang out and just get food and catch up.
Irish
This lasted until we get on the tube, we (read: I) make conversation with this guy from Dublin on the tube,
and I tell him my one Irish joke: What’s the biggest city in the world? Dublin, because it keeps on doubling and doubling in size. Clearly not a good joke but this opens up more conversation with two nice Dutch people sat opposite and there was a girl in the other carriageway laughing at the shitty-ness of the joke.
Netherlands
Chris and I turn back to our own conversation when the Dutch people open up conversation and we spend 10 minutes with them as we get the same connection.
Bangladesh
We go to Brick Lane and barter our way past numerous Bangladeshis to obtain a meal. As we are eating I see this ass I recognise but don’t give it a second thought until another lady from that table comes over and smiles at me. I say hi, and she says she saw us on the tube. Then I remember her face, and the other woman’s ass. They were sat on the tube when we did the Irish joke.
Italian
We find out she is some rich Italian wifey who has just moved to London a few months ago and now lives just outside the city, but she has impeccable English. A bit of banter later and our food arrives, she excuses herself and we eat. The food was not good! I will not be going back to Brick Lane again. Chris may be white but being brought up in Bradford he appreciates a good curry, and was as unimpressed as me.
English
Food eaten, it’s time to get back on the tube and go home. As we are walking towards the tube, we see a big loud gentleman talking to a group of people. We stop and listen to what he is saying and it seems he is some kind of tour guide talking about Jack the Ripper. So we stop to listen but two drunk British guys come and make a loud hullabaloo. The guide moves the crowd on and we just seem to tag along, since these two lovely middle aged people beckon for us to come with them. Chris looks at me, but I’ve already started walking , beckoning him along, and I imagine in Chris’s head he is saying:
American
‘Oh here we go again,’ Kenan and Kel style. Whilst we met no Americans we repeated the phrase throughout the day – ‘Snap, Flip Mo is the greatest’ and I'm stretching but this counts!
Orientals
A little time into the tour, we have infiltrated into the group, making jokes like: ‘this tour is great value for money’. As 70% of the group know we sneaked on they laugh and find this funny. My confidence and risky behaviour upped as the tour went on. We began answering rhetorical questions the tour guide asked, such as, ‘We all know what the first rule of the Freemasons is.’ I quickly quipped ‘ There is no Freemasons?’ He looked at me, and the whole group giggle. At one point we were at the back of the group and see 2 Oriental tourist looking people looking over to the group, not sure if they should come closer. I beckon them over, they whisper and take some photos - Standard oriental behaviour. I tell them to go to the front, its fine. They look confused and ask is this free, I answered yes of course. Another two random people join us.
Northern Ireland
There are three girls from N.Ireland who don’t seem to appreciate our banter and jokes and complain about us coming onto this tour for free. The universal truth: haters are going to hate, lesbians are not going to mate, kicks in and they promptly inform the tour leader that we joined for free.
Chris and I were separated at this point. The tour guide looks to the back and says sorry this is a private tour. The Japanese people look confused, disgusted and somewhat embarrassed. They look at Chris and with a mouthful of spite state: ‘Free tour?!’ They walk off, Chris kind of just hangs around the back, and the other two randoms walk off.
South Africans
These two really nice South Africans tell me to duck down and the other two friendly English people we met, whilst giggling like school children, look at me and pat their hand down. I hide as much as the only Asian on the tour with a bright red cardigan can hide.
The tour continues and it was a genuinely interesting tour that in hindsight I would have happily paid for. In the end I give the guy a tip, and ask him for a photo with my accomplices. Unfortunately, Chris got cut off in the photo!
Irish
This lasted until we get on the tube, we (read: I) make conversation with this guy from Dublin on the tube,
and I tell him my one Irish joke: What’s the biggest city in the world? Dublin, because it keeps on doubling and doubling in size. Clearly not a good joke but this opens up more conversation with two nice Dutch people sat opposite and there was a girl in the other carriageway laughing at the shitty-ness of the joke.
Netherlands
Chris and I turn back to our own conversation when the Dutch people open up conversation and we spend 10 minutes with them as we get the same connection.
Bangladesh
We go to Brick Lane and barter our way past numerous Bangladeshis to obtain a meal. As we are eating I see this ass I recognise but don’t give it a second thought until another lady from that table comes over and smiles at me. I say hi, and she says she saw us on the tube. Then I remember her face, and the other woman’s ass. They were sat on the tube when we did the Irish joke.
Italian
We find out she is some rich Italian wifey who has just moved to London a few months ago and now lives just outside the city, but she has impeccable English. A bit of banter later and our food arrives, she excuses herself and we eat. The food was not good! I will not be going back to Brick Lane again. Chris may be white but being brought up in Bradford he appreciates a good curry, and was as unimpressed as me.
English
Food eaten, it’s time to get back on the tube and go home. As we are walking towards the tube, we see a big loud gentleman talking to a group of people. We stop and listen to what he is saying and it seems he is some kind of tour guide talking about Jack the Ripper. So we stop to listen but two drunk British guys come and make a loud hullabaloo. The guide moves the crowd on and we just seem to tag along, since these two lovely middle aged people beckon for us to come with them. Chris looks at me, but I’ve already started walking , beckoning him along, and I imagine in Chris’s head he is saying:
American
‘Oh here we go again,’ Kenan and Kel style. Whilst we met no Americans we repeated the phrase throughout the day – ‘Snap, Flip Mo is the greatest’ and I'm stretching but this counts!
Orientals
A little time into the tour, we have infiltrated into the group, making jokes like: ‘this tour is great value for money’. As 70% of the group know we sneaked on they laugh and find this funny. My confidence and risky behaviour upped as the tour went on. We began answering rhetorical questions the tour guide asked, such as, ‘We all know what the first rule of the Freemasons is.’ I quickly quipped ‘ There is no Freemasons?’ He looked at me, and the whole group giggle. At one point we were at the back of the group and see 2 Oriental tourist looking people looking over to the group, not sure if they should come closer. I beckon them over, they whisper and take some photos - Standard oriental behaviour. I tell them to go to the front, its fine. They look confused and ask is this free, I answered yes of course. Another two random people join us.
Northern Ireland
There are three girls from N.Ireland who don’t seem to appreciate our banter and jokes and complain about us coming onto this tour for free. The universal truth: haters are going to hate, lesbians are not going to mate, kicks in and they promptly inform the tour leader that we joined for free.
Chris and I were separated at this point. The tour guide looks to the back and says sorry this is a private tour. The Japanese people look confused, disgusted and somewhat embarrassed. They look at Chris and with a mouthful of spite state: ‘Free tour?!’ They walk off, Chris kind of just hangs around the back, and the other two randoms walk off.
South Africans
These two really nice South Africans tell me to duck down and the other two friendly English people we met, whilst giggling like school children, look at me and pat their hand down. I hide as much as the only Asian on the tour with a bright red cardigan can hide.
The tour continues and it was a genuinely interesting tour that in hindsight I would have happily paid for. In the end I give the guy a tip, and ask him for a photo with my accomplices. Unfortunately, Chris got cut off in the photo!
 |
| South Africans, Tour Guide, Me and Lovely Midlands peeps! |
Hungarian
As I leave to go home, I get off the tube and cant help but talk to this beautiful Hungarian girl. I get her to write me a Facebook message for another Hungarian girl I know. All the Hungarians I know are hot and have a fun outlook, all 2 of them.
Albanian and Bulgarian
I come home and inform my house mates of the fun but randomness of the night.
I receive a text from Chris: “Snap: Flip Mo is the greatest, can we have a quiet, normal non random crazy Abs time?” My response, same as the response I sent last time, “Yea of course next time it will be a quiet time/catch up.”
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