My Katy Perry is a Lesbian

After writing in my blog that I was looking for my very own Katy Perry, I shit you not, two days later, I found her. I was at a mate’s comedy show enjoying some laughs when out of nowhere this hot Katy Perry look-alike walks by. Obviously I’m not one to let an opportunity pass me by so I said 'hi' and the banter was on. I’d even go as far to say that sparks were flying; I could see the fun ‘Snap Crackle and Popping’. She (who I shall now refer to as KP) was holding her own; she not only busted my balls but she was fun and because of this I was quite impressed.

It is so rare for hot girls to be fun. They generally have shit personalities wrapped up in hotness.

Why is this? I think it’s because if a girl is pretty most people tend to look past their inner ‘shit-ness’ so they normally have a way easier time. Also, since they don’t have to rely on their personality they don’t really develop one. I’m sure this applies to guys as well- lucky I was a loser when I was younger! Phew!

Any way, back at the bar, I got to thinking that if I managed to get a Katy Perry this quickly then surely asking for World Peace or Angelina Jolie in my next blog wouldn’t be out of the question?

Despite the fact that at this point KP seemed to be a little drunk, and as you know this is normally a turn off for me, I was getting pretty smitten. So I asked her “Are you this fun whilst sober?”. KP whipped back “Yes, even more fun, probably too much fun for you”. Is it wrong that this made me start thinking about wedding rings? Luckily I listened to my inner voice was shouting “Play it cool, play it cool” - which obviously I did.

As the comedy was in full force (and I didn’t want to be the dick talking in the background) I quickly finished by getting a FB add and went on my way, enjoying the rest of the evening.

My very own Katy Perry

A few days later and my conversation with KP continues on FB. She continues to bust my balls in a fun confident way and again my inner voice begins to wonder “Am I being premature or can I ask if kids are on the cards”. As I uncontrollably do, I can’t help but flirt and that’s when I learn the devastating truth about KP...

SHE IS A LESBIAN.

Not like the typical straight girl ‘lesbian’ who play all hard to get and make you chase them. She is a bonafide actual lesbian that only kisses girls! All boners aside, she is the real deal. She’s the kind you wouldn’t even see in those naked arty videos.

So I thought for the sake of mankind I should ask her if I could join, but alas, she didn’t want to do the one where the guy walks in ‘accidentally’ and crashes the scissor party. I think it’s called ‘My boyfriend found out I was a lesbian…. 5’. She is definitely an old school lesbian – she refuses to give in to all my attempts of peer pressure. Respect!

All that aside, this girl is pretty awesome AND I have no lesbian friends AND I am all about equal opportunities. So, I have decided she will be my new best friend… my new best lesbian friend. It’s win-win really, I can flirt with her to my heart’s content and I don’t have to worry at all (although she probably won’t flirt back - I hope my ego can take it). Unlike most of my lesbian relationships, this one has already proven beneficial as she’s agreed to be my blog proof reader (and let’s be fair that’s doing everyone who reads this a favour)!

Authors note: There is a possibility that a lot of these adjectives on her awesomeness are totally her editing my blog. :p