The Hottest Girl In The World

Well, at least, one that I have seen in person with my own eyes.

Having said that, I have met Miss Idaho, a few models in my time and, most recently, I met the winner of Best UK and Ireland Model (or something like that- I was so indifferent at the time). I once chatted up Alesha Dixon (pre-blog but very funny story) and even 3 girls from Babe Station without being too phased.

Yet, this girl walks past me and my jaw hit the floor. I immediately stopped in my tracks and the JLS song that I thought was gay had meaning. I double-checked, pinched myself and then smelt my armpits. No Lynx on today, this was a real girl....sheeeeeeit!



Side note: I always get the things I ask for but with a weird genie wish twist. Remember the lesbian Katy Perry I met after asking for my own Katy Perry?2 weeks ago, I posted this Facebook status: I want a girl who is taller, wittier, hotter, and funnier than me....

And now, back to the story...

So, far, all I knew was she looked taller than me. I was frozen. My mate asked me what was wrong. I pointed and told him that she was the most beautiful girl I had EVER seen. He looked at me quizzically, didn't say a word but his face was asking me: Are you sure? Well, go, say hi.

I then uttered the words which made him look at me like I was possessed: 'I can't. She's too...too...beautiful". His mouth opened in disgust or surprise, I'm still not sure which, and ordered 'me to follow him. I see him canter away with this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fear maybe?

This is the closest thing i could find to the way he looked at me

I watch him talk to her for a minute (I later learn he calls her a blonde giraffe. Say what you see I guess) and when I join him, I'm nervous and not in the moment. I notice she is as tall as me. I take over the conversation. I can't look her in the eye. My modern day Medusa. We start a conversation. It's awkward. I feel awkward. I don't want to be there anymore. I want to smile at her, but I'm scared my penis will turn to stone. She looks young as well. I ask if she's even legal. I am now in the moment and out of my head. She gives me a "you are a weirdo" look and I want to be back in my head... I prematurely ask for a Twitter handle to stay in touch. I know . . . who I have come across as and who I am are so different. It gets more awkward because she says no. I state, almost reminding myself, that I am "handsome, fun and tall". She pities me: "You can add me but I won't add you back."

The Looks

She is definitely sassier, but I get the twitter add. I think I've won the battle but this war is a lost cause. I felt like Leonard when he meets Penny in the Big Bang theory.

If this was any normal girl I would have discarded this anomaly and just got on with my 'normalness' but it had been 7 ish years since a lady had made me act awkward and nervous, and maybe God was answering my FB prayers. Probably not, but then I hear the bellowing 'DON'T BE GAY! MAN UP!' that is my inner voice and, believe me, I've learnt to obey my inner voice!

So the twittering started! I made the comment I would give her 7 days before she gave into the charm and add me back. 7 days came and went and she hadn't, so I was about to accept defeat. Maybe I had met a girl out of my league, or she didn't see an awesome thing when it hit her in the face (metaphorically because I'm not into domestic abuse, well unless its part of a role play).

Not saying she is into that role play - maybe she just likes Twilight..*audible noise in background*whats that? you hate Twilight?...ok.ummmm

Then I got some promising tweets. Fast forward 10 days and we made plans to meet up. I tell one of my model friends the story, because I figured she might have had a similar loser act the same with her and give me some pointers: She tells me I am absolutely hilarious and the funniest guy she knows, then says, "'Abs come on seriously. Since when are u intimidated by women?? Be yourself you will b fine!! Here's some balls (Random sport balls) pmsl".

Obviously she is right. I'm crap at being fake. I make no real plans and decide I will go with the flow, be spontaneous and just be Abs as it's what I'm best at!

We meet and I'm not nervous. The 5 hours flew by. We were more similar than I thought, and got on quite well, almost like hanging out with a friend. However, she seemed very guarded, and this is not something people usually are around me, but other than that, she had personality. Didn't try to impress me, a bit edgy and made me laugh! I liked her! She was more than a pretty face!

But then there is the dichotomy of my attraction to women! I am a Libra after all (not a Gemini or Leo which everyone always thinks) and I am attracted to the Cat-woman type - tall, attractive, feisty, aggressive and exciting. But when I actually fancy someone beyond physical attraction, its always the Pepper Potts type (Iron man) - the sweet, nice, thoughtful, caring, even a touch shy at times. But tall, they must always be tall.

Anyway, this girl officially had me at:

Abs: I am doing a podcast and doing a section on models. You, being an international model, would be perfect.

Her: That's fine. When?
Me: Some date In November I can't remember

Her: I am in Miami then, but I will come back for it.
Me.. *mouth opened in absolute surprise and shock, thinking 7 hour flight and 2 days jet-lag for a 20-30 minute podcast interview, even I wouldn't do that* Really?
Her: Yeah, it's fine.
Me: *Is she Pepper Potts mixed with catwoman?*

(She was a woman of her word and we did the podcast too)

The International Model

As cool and fun as she seemed there was still this sense of her being guarded and it made me uneasy; something didn't feel right. I don't know how to explain it and Its probably nothing, but I always trust my intuition because it's generally right.

Our time together was random and fun and I'd decided this girl was pretty cool. I got to decision time: Do I make some stupid reason to invite her over?

Modelling like everything requires practice too

I didn't invite her over.

I am sure every guy wanking off to this is now shouting: 'You never?!'

The truth is I have been down that road, I know where that road leads. Something I couldn't put my finger on wasn't right and I chose to err on the side of caution, something I rarely do.

Patience is one of those virtues I want and if this girl is more Pepper Potts than Catwoman, I'm sure I won't regret it. If she is more Catwoman then maybe I will but really, I just trust my inner voice. She (yes, she, my inner voice is a fun lesbian) persuades me to call it a day.

As the weeks go by, it becomes clear there isn't going to be an act 2. It was a fun one-off. My intuition to not take it further was right.


But whatever, I'm just glad that I hung out with the most beautiful girl I've ever met. How many people can say that? Well me, and probably Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake, the boxer dude that dated Rihanna,  Kanye West, Jay-Z, Hank Moody and Hugh Hefner. Oh, and Macaulay Culkin...definitely Macaulay.




 

 How did He do it?? Hooow darn it, how??










So, what's next? Well I've met the most beautiful girl I have seen (Even thought all of my friends think others in my past were better looking), I've met the best at banter girl (The Editor and friend Zaira), I've met a real intelligent and sweet girl (who is actually slowly becoming my friend), the sluttiest girls, I even met a girl I would have actually girl-friended ...but she was in a different country: America. The promised land for a reason right?

So Allah, please, for the sake of my readers, I think I am ready for you to put the love child of Catwoman and Pepper Potts into my life without the emotional cray and high maintenance vibe. Give me my 'Neo' now, and a unicorn and flying pig too please, so I can blog about random adventures and not ladies! The prayers and wishes I make for you guys! You're welcome!

Outake/because it made me smile