Double Edged Sword of Ballsy Women

I am like the most confident person i know, but for the good part of the last 10 years I have been attracted (platonically or not) to confident, funny (especially at my expense - see objective humour), tall, independent and slutty (whether they know it yet or not) people. This is evident in the women I date or actually like. One of my friends deduced (incorrectly in my opinion) that I would like any confident, tall girl regardless of how pretty she was.

I met a girl who, at 5'8", wasn't as tall as my usual type. The first day I met her, she told me that she was way more attractive than me. I laughed in her face because she isn't (She definitely is - Ed) and she seemed totally unnerved by this reaction; I started to like her.

One month later we became romantically involved but every day felt like a competition. We both thought we were better than the other party, and we kept one-upping each other mainly through the medium of banter. Unfortunately, I enjoyed her putting me down, making me answer to her standards, generally 'running the show' and physically looking down on me, for this included her being on top of me a lot. I only say let her, because when in groups I re-asserted my gregarious confident persona and social dynamics took care of the rest. However, we didn't spend a lot of time in groups so this was very rare.

Four months in and the attraction had all but died for her. As my attraction was increasing, hers was waning.  It didn't help that we were keeping it casual so the paradigm of behaviour was one of a throwaway nature. We created a vicious circle of not giving a shit (her way more than me). 

Eventually I wanted to be fully committed. She didn't. I was in shock; I thought she was falling for me - due to a mixture of me being delusional and that being what normally happens.

From her feedback of the situation and taking some time out and re-evaluating everything I came to a few conclusions:

She liked me because I was confident, put her in her place (as not any guy has done to her). I was funny and a little crazy. I was different, fun and sure of myself but as time went on I let her run the show and whilst I liked this because, a) I'm a weirdo and b) it's rare and not many people can do this, and I found I really enjoyed it. When you don't 'run the show' it takes a lot of pressure off and just makes life so much easier.

Therin lies the double edged sword of ballsy fun confident women and myself. When I find a girl who is bossy and confident I am happy to take a back seat, but then that kills the natural spark and attractive element within my natural persona!

I have recently turned back into the old Abs but nicer and it's working. She's acting more like the girl I am used to, into me again and wants a relationship. But that confident ballsy girl keeps coming back but I have learnt my lesson. As much as I want her to run amok and I enjoy that, I have to curb that behaviour that I find so appealing in her if I want her to stay attracted….

Six months later, I have confirmed two things about relationships and dominant/feisty women. No matter what, you have to be the alpha male in the relationship. We broke up because I wasn't. I didn't want to be too in control as otherwise she wouldn't have kept me in check and I would have taken advantage of her, like I do with most women. I have realised I need to find a girl who I like so much that I would treat her awesome even though I'm in the driving seat, which is a pity because I realised too late that she could be that girl. However, on the bright side, being a kid and not leading things has been fun for me! Made me feel 18 again!

Also I have learnt you can tell a lot about someone when they no longer like you, since me and this girl seem to break up to make up constantly, whenever we break up and she doesn't want to be with me, I saw her true colours and thats when I didn't like her. 

Like this song but not!

So if you are ever unsure about a girl, have her break up with you (I can go into how, another time) and see the respect she treats you with, since that is who she is underneath it all, when she sees no value in you, how does she treat you, is she selfish or caring? Awesome litmus tester for long term viability!

You can't start relationships as a bit of fun and keep that mentality throughout them. You ruin what you have and allow the basis of the relationship and the thoughts behind it to lose value. You just become sexual or value commodities which whilst normal I believe results in a non harmonised future, with options of infidelity or sharing seen as an acceptable course of action! This is especially negative if you do one, since you then don't have that value. Ah well, you live and you learn or as one of my best friends says: 'Go Forth and be strong'. I am currently writing his best man speech, so I should fill you in on his stag do. Now I'm single again I may be back to some of my more fun antics, so stay tuned. Old Abs of Tucker Max days may be back. Hopefully not for too long, as with this new found wisdom I'm surely one step closer to that holy grail!