Whilst outside, Lisa becomes ever more so annoying, calling me out on being a player and a tease. I was in no mood for this. I bantered back and forth a little but it soon became apparent she was atrocious at this. I was insulting her in what started in a jokey way, but her inability to come back with anything substantive, plus me being on some good form this night and not suffering fools meant it just became mean. This is usually where I would stop but in the mantra of WWTMD I carried on and pushed it beyond even what I thought was acceptable. It culminated in her saying:
‘You are such a wannabe player, you’re not even that great, I bet you just lie to get girls to like you’
‘I have not lied to you, or any other girl. I have not promised you a happy home or family, all I want to do is have sex…nay f*&^ you, normally I don’t do one night stands, but I think in your case, I'll make an exception. Also we will not be doing this at my place or yours, we can go around the corner there and I can treat you like a cum dumpster, you know you will love it. But you have to promise to tell no one, since I don’t want people judging me, and I’m double bagging because I want to make sure I don’t have no stupid kids. Honest enough for you?’
She finally shut up and the silence was appreciated. The silence was broken when Misha said, ‘Come on guys. Stop flirting and lets go dance’.
My friend looked at me and said, ‘Abs go easy on her. She is a sub 120.’ (IQ level). The rest of the night she seemed to hate on me for the things I said but at the same time dancing around trying to get my attention. I ignored her as best as possible. Well until I tried to make another girl jealous, but that is coming up later…
As we head back in to the club after this exchange between Lisa and myself, I see a group of Asian people, and for those of you who don’t know, especially for Asian girls, being looked at as being easy or a bit slutty is the worse thing for one of these girls.
One of the Asian girls had the sluttiest/laciest shoes I had ever seen. As I am walking past I said: ‘I like your shoes’. The whole group looks at me and the girl says ‘Thank you’ I would have left it there, but like a lot of Asian girls, this girl got a little big headed. A few of them looked down on me and the girl I said it to muttered something under her breath. I asked what she said, she replied, ‘Nothing.’
‘No, seriously those are some sexy shoes’ I say as I am walking away, in my most genuine tone. Her friends now jump into the conversation. One of the guys says, ‘Stop hitting on her man’. What you have to remember is that I was not even flirting with her, the reason these shoes stood out is because they were slutty shoes, and then on top she had quite a conservative dress on, and secondly this was an honest to God throwaway compliment as I went back into the club.
‘I may not have made myself clear I like your shoes, not your face. I mean those are some real slutty shoes.’
‘Well she’s not a slut,’ quips the same guy friend.
I reply instantly, ‘Don’t get me wrong, sluts are my favourite type of people and I can sense the inner slut coming out of you. The top half you can still control, the bottom half has lost the battle to your inner slut, you are like the worst kind of slut, the one in denial.’ I walk off feeling like I put her and her friends back in their place. They are all silent. I enjoy the silences I command.
The bouncer at the door pulls me aside and it soon became apparent he has seen and heard this exchange. I think, Oh great I am getting thrown out. It may even be her party for all I know. Or maybe he has recognised I am the guy that sneaked in. He looks at me, smiles and says: ‘Thank you for that, that whole group have been walking around like they own the place’.
We come back up a few times as it is too hot. I finally get to enter the other private party when the bouncer looks the other way. And this party sucked eggs! Rotten eggs! It was dull and bourgeoisie encapsulated. We start chatting to these two Indian girls from Mumbai who claim I am trying to impress them. I re-assure them I couldn’t care less and I am just being me - that I just happen to be funny and charismatic. But everything I say they misconstrue as me trying to impress them. I find this annoying and just want them to leave so my friend and I can have their chairs. This results me using the term ‘freshy’ until they become offended and walk away.
Dancing away later in the night, Lisa kept fluttering around me, quite clearly wanting to get my attention. She annoyed me and I didn’t want to even see her, so I ignored her as best as I could but this seemingly made her act more forward and become more and more provocative. I continued to ignore this and the cycle seemed to continue. I noticed this cute Asian girl dancing near us, I started to dance with her, and her other friend seemed fun too. The only reason I was flirting with her was to give Lisa the hint, and it seemed to work. This was going fine, until this big guy, twice my width and as tall as me, comes over, shoves me out of the way, and I see him word ‘Are you okay? Shall I deal with him?’ to the cute girl. This cute girl gives him a confused look and shakes her head. The beast creeps back into the shadows. I decide to up the ante and begin to flirt with this cute girl; we walk outside to the clear disappointment of Lisa and the big monster in the shadows. This girl was cool, asking me who the crazy white girl was. I was firstly glad someone else noticed her being all mentalist around me. We go back in, but now cute Asian girl decides to go all coy and play it cool on me. If you know me, I hate this play with a passion; this is a massive turn off so I go flirt/dance with Lisa, but take a quick look around to see if I can notice anyone else, when I see the VIP girl. Jackpot! I leave Lisa mid dance, turn VIP girl around and we carry on where we left off. Cute Asian girl sees this and pokes me in the ribs. I turn around and she turns her back to me and all the while Lisa looks on.
Anyone in their right mind would stick with VIP girl, but I am a ‘twist’ (stick or twist in Pon Toon) kind of guy, as well as actually wanting to hang out with my friends. I tell VIP girl I have to dance with my friends. I dance with them, being a massive tease to Lisa. As the night continues small Asian girl is still around, as well as her boyfriend and fun friend. I pick her up and spin her around, much to the dismay and annoyance of the big Grinch, which makes me even happier and more egged on.We finally decide enough is enough and we all leave. The Asian girl tells me they are going to get food later but I pass on this offer as I want to spend time with my friends. As we are walking to get some food, we come across some Romanian Gypsies. I am only going off the stereotypical young girl slutty gypsy look in the UK, mixed with the Romanian-esque people look. Later, we meet these three black ladies. One whose head looks like a honeycomb. They offer us a lift but they had no cab and this confuses me. Am I being hit on? We leave confused but amused. Got to love multicultural London!
‘You are such a wannabe player, you’re not even that great, I bet you just lie to get girls to like you’
‘I have not lied to you, or any other girl. I have not promised you a happy home or family, all I want to do is have sex…nay f*&^ you, normally I don’t do one night stands, but I think in your case, I'll make an exception. Also we will not be doing this at my place or yours, we can go around the corner there and I can treat you like a cum dumpster, you know you will love it. But you have to promise to tell no one, since I don’t want people judging me, and I’m double bagging because I want to make sure I don’t have no stupid kids. Honest enough for you?’
She finally shut up and the silence was appreciated. The silence was broken when Misha said, ‘Come on guys. Stop flirting and lets go dance’.
My friend looked at me and said, ‘Abs go easy on her. She is a sub 120.’ (IQ level). The rest of the night she seemed to hate on me for the things I said but at the same time dancing around trying to get my attention. I ignored her as best as possible. Well until I tried to make another girl jealous, but that is coming up later…
As we head back in to the club after this exchange between Lisa and myself, I see a group of Asian people, and for those of you who don’t know, especially for Asian girls, being looked at as being easy or a bit slutty is the worse thing for one of these girls.
One of the Asian girls had the sluttiest/laciest shoes I had ever seen. As I am walking past I said: ‘I like your shoes’. The whole group looks at me and the girl says ‘Thank you’ I would have left it there, but like a lot of Asian girls, this girl got a little big headed. A few of them looked down on me and the girl I said it to muttered something under her breath. I asked what she said, she replied, ‘Nothing.’
‘No, seriously those are some sexy shoes’ I say as I am walking away, in my most genuine tone. Her friends now jump into the conversation. One of the guys says, ‘Stop hitting on her man’. What you have to remember is that I was not even flirting with her, the reason these shoes stood out is because they were slutty shoes, and then on top she had quite a conservative dress on, and secondly this was an honest to God throwaway compliment as I went back into the club.
‘I may not have made myself clear I like your shoes, not your face. I mean those are some real slutty shoes.’
‘Well she’s not a slut,’ quips the same guy friend.
I reply instantly, ‘Don’t get me wrong, sluts are my favourite type of people and I can sense the inner slut coming out of you. The top half you can still control, the bottom half has lost the battle to your inner slut, you are like the worst kind of slut, the one in denial.’ I walk off feeling like I put her and her friends back in their place. They are all silent. I enjoy the silences I command.
The bouncer at the door pulls me aside and it soon became apparent he has seen and heard this exchange. I think, Oh great I am getting thrown out. It may even be her party for all I know. Or maybe he has recognised I am the guy that sneaked in. He looks at me, smiles and says: ‘Thank you for that, that whole group have been walking around like they own the place’.
We come back up a few times as it is too hot. I finally get to enter the other private party when the bouncer looks the other way. And this party sucked eggs! Rotten eggs! It was dull and bourgeoisie encapsulated. We start chatting to these two Indian girls from Mumbai who claim I am trying to impress them. I re-assure them I couldn’t care less and I am just being me - that I just happen to be funny and charismatic. But everything I say they misconstrue as me trying to impress them. I find this annoying and just want them to leave so my friend and I can have their chairs. This results me using the term ‘freshy’ until they become offended and walk away.
Dancing away later in the night, Lisa kept fluttering around me, quite clearly wanting to get my attention. She annoyed me and I didn’t want to even see her, so I ignored her as best as I could but this seemingly made her act more forward and become more and more provocative. I continued to ignore this and the cycle seemed to continue. I noticed this cute Asian girl dancing near us, I started to dance with her, and her other friend seemed fun too. The only reason I was flirting with her was to give Lisa the hint, and it seemed to work. This was going fine, until this big guy, twice my width and as tall as me, comes over, shoves me out of the way, and I see him word ‘Are you okay? Shall I deal with him?’ to the cute girl. This cute girl gives him a confused look and shakes her head. The beast creeps back into the shadows. I decide to up the ante and begin to flirt with this cute girl; we walk outside to the clear disappointment of Lisa and the big monster in the shadows. This girl was cool, asking me who the crazy white girl was. I was firstly glad someone else noticed her being all mentalist around me. We go back in, but now cute Asian girl decides to go all coy and play it cool on me. If you know me, I hate this play with a passion; this is a massive turn off so I go flirt/dance with Lisa, but take a quick look around to see if I can notice anyone else, when I see the VIP girl. Jackpot! I leave Lisa mid dance, turn VIP girl around and we carry on where we left off. Cute Asian girl sees this and pokes me in the ribs. I turn around and she turns her back to me and all the while Lisa looks on.
Anyone in their right mind would stick with VIP girl, but I am a ‘twist’ (stick or twist in Pon Toon) kind of guy, as well as actually wanting to hang out with my friends. I tell VIP girl I have to dance with my friends. I dance with them, being a massive tease to Lisa. As the night continues small Asian girl is still around, as well as her boyfriend and fun friend. I pick her up and spin her around, much to the dismay and annoyance of the big Grinch, which makes me even happier and more egged on.We finally decide enough is enough and we all leave. The Asian girl tells me they are going to get food later but I pass on this offer as I want to spend time with my friends. As we are walking to get some food, we come across some Romanian Gypsies. I am only going off the stereotypical young girl slutty gypsy look in the UK, mixed with the Romanian-esque people look. Later, we meet these three black ladies. One whose head looks like a honeycomb. They offer us a lift but they had no cab and this confuses me. Am I being hit on? We leave confused but amused. Got to love multicultural London!
We finally arrive at our destination, pick up some food, eat, and reminisce on the fun night and year since one of us is leaving forever to leave Tucker Max-esque nights well alone. Once is enough for anyone!
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