Random fun in Chicago

As I arrive in Chicago and miss my connecting flight I await the shuttle bus to take me to the hotel where I will spend the night before going onto Boise. I feel a mixture of fatigue from an almost 18 hour journey, but excitement as I am in a new place with the possibility of a lot of fun times and adventures ahead. I, the ever optimist think of all the advantages of being able to spend a night in Chicago, and think of the things I can do before my 9 hours are up and I need to catch my connecting flight.

Snakes on a Plane!

Flying for me is a bitch, especially when I go America, which I am. I envision yesterday’s fun will be counteracted by the crap that is this journey, and I am not let down. I get to the airport in ample amount of time, and everything is going great, until I get a random sticker on my passport and boarding card. I later realise this means the American computer has chosen me for random tests. Funny it being random and me being a Muslim, but I am probably being paranoid except the last time I went America this also happened.

As I go to the Airline with my passport the lady behind the counter, a 40 year old ish Oriental woman started to freak me out. She started talking about Halal chicken, and animal cruelty, but this would have been fine, except she kept talking for at least 10 minutes after I totally looked disinterested and explained I was not an expert, but no I was told all about how her son had brought up these chickens, but her mum killed said chicken and her brother was gutted. In my head I was thinking, great story(Sarcasm), get on with my ticket. After another 2 random checks and pseudo investigational conversation I get onto the plane

Random adventure in Balham

After leaving Hamley’s and popping into the office with all the cool new presentations, I left work early to go finish packing, unlike the last time I did this it wasn’t too bad. 2 hours later with the majority of the packing done it was time to have some last hours of fun in England:

Marc and I went out to initially get some food, he wanted to go Nando’s, and since I am a total team-player we walked down to the one on Clapham High Street, but it was as though the shop was fumigated with chicken smoke, it was worse than the smell of the chicken shop I almost moved into. We decided to hit the one in Balham, neither of us knew how to get there. As the rain pours down in the musky gloomy street, Marc shouts: ‘Adventure time’ as we ran to the bus shelter to avoid the rain.

Child Like Fun

So, the day before I flew out to America was pretty fun. It started off at lunch time, when I went to Hamleys with a work colleague and wow, Hamleys is a fun place. I always knew that I was and will always be a little bit of a kid at heart but this really brought out the inner child. It started off with walking round wide eyed, regressing at least 3 years in my head to a mental age of 13. As we walk around I overhear an employee ask another employee, a little too loudly: ‘Why would anyone have a tattoo of their name across their back (above the bum, is where she indicates with her hands). I take a step back into their space, and quip in: ‘Wellll… If she was a bit of a slut or a porn star and liked to say: ‘Whats my name?’ during sex, well then, if the guy does not remember but is playing the manly, alpha card, rather than him replying ‘Shut up Bi*&^’, which would be totally embarrassing or demeaning for one or both parties. He can now read the name (if he can read) on the back and be a respectful gentleman and respond with say ‘Lisa or Gemma or more likely Sparkles’, however this is not the only reason ladies, just the first that comes to mind, I’m sure there could be many more.

PROUD Camden

The night continued and we went to PROUD in Camden, and whilst this sounded like a Gay club it wasn’t. What it was, I am still not a 100% sure. What I do know is that, there was a giant walking around on stilettos, whilst playing with string, which just happened to be attached to a dwarf. Im not sure if this was an elaborate visual mind fuck but it looked as thought he was being commanded like a puppet. Some might say it was like being on acid, others could just say It was a very big and very clever visual representation to alters ones understanding of the norm.

Empty and before the craziness can infiltrate your senses.

Bombay Dreams

It was my friend’s birthday; we went to a restaurant called ‘Bombay Dreams’. The name itself, consumed my mind with images of a colourful landscape, full of beautiful women dressed in Saree’s, and men in tight waistcoat-esque suits. Later on in this fantasy I hear one of the waiters explain: ‘No, Sir, sorry we don’t do that… Thankyou’ in a proper ‘freshie’ (fresh of the boat) accent as he tilts his head very slowly to the right and then left, with a big grin, presenting an almost vacant expression. Then I remembered ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ was not a documentary and maybe I was enacting in some naive racial stereotyping. Maybe this restaurant was full of Indian people, acting very British, extremely prim and proper, because believe me, this is a dream of the Indian people (stereotypically). It seems as Indians float to the higher end of the Social class hierarchy, the more British they act, the more often you will hear them break up their native tongue with English. True Story!

New job! (1st week at work)

My whole corporate life (3.5 years) I have had to wear business attire, and I absolutely hate it. Not because I don’t look dashing in a nice suit, I’m sure I do, it’s the rules I have a problem with. It’s the constriction it plays on my level of individuality and expression. I have never liked being a rule follower, whether it is social or formalised within institutions.

Moving to London

Monday 7 pm – (7 days before I start new job in Londonia, and will be homeless)


Whilst I search Clapham high n low, bargain hunting for a decent place to live, I find nothing. However, I find somewhere in the wilderness beyond the tube infrastructure: quite a nice place, with nice people, relatively cheap, somewhere I genuinely contemplate moving to, but after the view, they said they will let me know midweek, gutted and I might have put down a deposit… Oh well...im lucky and charming, something better may turn up and I’m sure Adam n Co (current tenants) will choose me anyhow..

My thought on Sluts

I read an article on the BBC website in which women were organising and attending ‘slut walks’. These are not like pub crawls at a hen do, but in essence are a protest against some women being told not to dress like sluts. A policeman told them:

“…However, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised."

For the record, I am totally against sexual assault and think people who sexually assault others are inhumane, should be punished and victims should not, in 99% of situations feel like it’s their fault. 

The new, improved and upgraded slut???

Seeds vs Fruit

I have begun packing, as I intend to move to the dream (see: LONDON) that has for so long been a fortnightly 2.5 hour round trip on a train. For someone who hates monotony, repetition, being bored and not being inappropriate, packing is well and truly crap.

Whilst doing this crap task I started thinking of other crap, obviously my mind wandered to the Antiques Roadshow. All the people who appear on the show usually have expensive things they had forgotten about or never knew they had. Although they get a nice pay packet in the end, I now think I understand what they go through.

My Katy Perry is a Lesbian

After writing in my blog that I was looking for my very own Katy Perry, I shit you not, two days later, I found her. I was at a mate’s comedy show enjoying some laughs when out of nowhere this hot Katy Perry look-alike walks by. Obviously I’m not one to let an opportunity pass me by so I said 'hi' and the banter was on. I’d even go as far to say that sparks were flying; I could see the fun ‘Snap Crackle and Popping’. She (who I shall now refer to as KP) was holding her own; she not only busted my balls but she was fun and because of this I was quite impressed.

Yoga

I had heard and been aware of Yoga for many years but I distinctly remember a cool friend called 'Hunter' (not his real name - cos then he wud be weird and not that cool) used to be a Pilates teacher, and invited me to a class. I just thought what a bell...end, as if, stretching and moving around in slow motion could be fun - such a girlie crappy thing to do...

Osama Bin Laden

The latest news on the wire is that Osama Bin Laden is dead, now the method in which I heard this was quite funny. I can just imagine one day being asked...

"Daddy, how did you find out Osama was dead?"
"Well, Son, i was fb'ing a girl, no, not your mum, and she said:

'My Monday juices are flowing'

Now I like most people in this situation, got a hard on and then thought two things: Wow ure forward, and wow thats hot, because it happened so quickly I cant remember in which order this took place, its a debate not too unlike the chicken vs the egg. However the sad news was that i misunderstood, she was talking about her cerebral juices in relation to a debate that was ensuing in regards to the killing of said charismatic terrorist/Al Qaeda figure head. But the Good news, which is always so craved after the realisation of sad news, was that Osama was dead.

And for the record these are my 2 cents on the matter:

I think Osama was a terrorist and not a nice person at all, in fact I think this of all entities/people who kill innocent people, which is why i dislike Israel, America and to a lesser extent the UK Government, who could arguably also be called terrorist regimes.